TOKYO (IG News) — Police arrested 77 chikan train gropers during a one week campaign in greater Tokyo in mid-April and 29 of the 77 were found to be repeat offenders.
“What a bunch of dicks,” said Tokyo Metropolitan Police spokesperson Chikan Shineh, “Who would be stupid enough to molest women on trains during a highly publicized police campaign?”
Fans of the Saikyo and JR Chuo lines were thrilled their favorite chikan-densha were once again tied for the top place in number of arrestees at six pathetic-losers-who-should-be-shot each.
“Ureshiidayo! I’m so happy! I ride the Saikyo every day, if you get my drift?” said Chinko “Willy” Atama as he winked-winked and nudge-nudged feverishly, “The Saikyo is like a conveyor belt sushi place for perverts and creeps.”
In a surprise move, the Mayor of Taiji City, Iruka Kuwanei, confirmed rumors that the city’s dolphin fishermen would now use eco-friendly fishhooks baited with live chikan train gropers.
“Dolphins love chikan, they go wild!” said Kuwanei, “we love it when dolphin cackle, ‘who’s your daddy now?’ before they bite!”
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In other news, Google launches new search UI, resulting in billions of searches for “What is UI?”
